Thursday, September 24, 2009

Bad Humor: Funny Security Roles

Beer + long train ride + academic papers on security (!) = this piece of bizarre humor.

Funny, hopefully fictitious, security roles [any matches with reality are mere coincidences]:

  • Experienced cloud security veteran
  • Innovative SOX auditor
  • Fork bomb prevention expert [A.C. – inspired by a security “research” paper from 2009 about a new method to detect and prevent fork() bombs on Unix]
  • Massive DoS detection specialist
  • Open source Windows security expert
  • DOS security architect
  • Professional sniffer sniffer [A.C. – inspired by a security “research” paper from 2009 which invents new method to detect sniffers, BUT only those that emit (!) packets]
  • Syslog psychic reader
  • Legendary NAC security guru [A.C. – inspired by Unicorns, of course]
  • Executive security reverse engineer

Care to continue this meme? Get some beer and then read a random paper on security written by somebody from a University who never dealt with a single real security problem in his life…

UPDATE: I am copying what was suggested by my esteemed readers from comments to the main post. Enjoy!

Suggested by toxa:

  • Metasploit Certified Security Auditor
  • Advanced Wireshark Network Analyst
  • PCI DSS Clause 11.3 Guru [A.C. - loved this one!]
  • Experienced Layer2 Attacks Specialist
  • Famous Oracle App XSS Researcher
  • Professional Web Applications Written In PHP Pentester

Suggested by Christophe:

  • Experienced Password Policy Compliance Manager [A.C. - this one is awesome!!]
  • Armed Layer 1 Attacks Specialist
  • Veteran ITIL Conformity Observer
  • User's Stupidity Documentation Writer
  • Senior Unplugged Cables Auditor [A.C. - senior, no less! :-)]
  • 2000 Bug Reappearance Sentry

Dr Anton Chuvakin